What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 02:14
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The influencer whose tweet led to a ban on disposable vapes - BBC
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
This is soul school!.
Newspaper headlines: Britain 'battle ready' and 'new Maddie search' - BBC
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
RBC Canadian Open Odds, Picks, Predictions: Best Bets, Props, OAD - Lineups
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I waited trembling.
So whats the point in blame.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was scared of men, in general
South Africa Is Rising Up Out of The Ocean, Scientists Reveal - ScienceAlert
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Switzerland proposes forcing UBS to add $26bn in capital - Financial Times
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Michaels buys Joann brand, plans to expand crafting supply to meet demand - ABC News
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Ive learnt so much.
Big Cyberpunk 2077 Updates Were Thought To Be Done, But 2.3 Patch Launches Soon - GameSpot
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He resisted the act ,that day.
And i lived it daily.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She married twice! .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was 9 years of age.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Especially a lifetime of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im still living with it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But, we were locked up after school.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was very sick at this time too.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
(And it was in our own minds.)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Who then, do I blame.?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One cannot live in the past .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was seconnd youngest,
He knew the spot.
As i do to all so called friends.?
When she asked me how she looked .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We were not on the streets..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I said to her
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She loved him until the end.
We all went to grammer schools
I have no regrets .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it wasn’t much.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I don,t even have a pension.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
So, i spoilt her more .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My life is so biszare .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Put me off passion for life!!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My family never makes their pension either.
I think the readers, may guess!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Comes on , in middle age.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She was in good health!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
What did i know ?
It was going to be , some day.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I write beautiful poetry .
But ive been too sick for many years..
She wouldn,t have been !
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I will be 64.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She found it foreign!.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
All the time i was locked up.
Would this be the day?